Perfectionism is another adaptive mindset and subsequent behaviour which grows out of traumatic responses to past failure or judgement or can arise from a traumatic response to feeling out of control (in a similar pathway to eating disorders, self-harm, or other compulsive and addictive behaviours). Perfectionism at its core is an avoidant behaviour. The urge to be perfect, the need to be perfect, stems from overwhelming internal pressures, which, like all trauma-based defences, are designed to keep us protected and safe from something which feels ultimately annihilating.

Most perfectionists will also experience heightened levels of anxiety. Indeed for some, perfectionism is a way to deal with anxiety, which then loops back into itself. So for example I am anxious that I won’t perform well enough on this example/presentation/dinner, so I implement an extreme plan, practice excessively etc, and with every aspect of planning I implement, I also increase the anxiety that I may fail. A never-ending loop. Not all perfectionists will be highly anxious in a way that is debilitating but they will feel a high level of self-imposed internal pressure. Any time an individual can not separate a thing from the Self, there will be emotional discomfort and discord.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is not necessarily linked to Perfectionism although some Perfectionists do develop OCD. One can absolutely exist without the other.

Doctors and Therapists, as well as parents and teachers, have seen the rise in young people exhibiting the perfectionist mindset. Often the perfectionism is first noticed by the adults around a young person in terms of anxiety. We have created a mainstream culture that has more information, education and pressure than any previous generation, and although social media is in the mix - it is certainly not the singular devil it is sometimes made out to be.

From the 1980s onward, most Western countries have had a mainly steady and at times exponential growth, in education and information. While a more educated populous is viewed by most as important for any country’s growth, what has come alongside the rise in education has also been the exponential growth of information - which isn’t the same thing. Global media, social media, and reality television have exposed more and more people to lives that aren’t like their own. While this can create choice and interest and lead to greater creativity, it can also lead to ungrounded and out of context expectations, as well as a skewed view of norms and mores. In a sense, we are now judging ourselves not by our own standards, or that of our family or community, but by the lives of people who may be very different from us. People with different incomes, levels of support, etc.

So it’s important to recognise that perfectionism, and its cousins FOMO and CBA as well as being linked to childhood traumatic responses, may also be born of a culture that often links self-worth with “stuff” and seamless manufactured beauty, both that, like perfectionism itself has us feeling more and more disconnected from health.